if i had sex in the shower i’d probably slip and die
2,958 notes
when i’m married my partner and i will have:
- morning sex
- afternoon sex
- dinner sex
- after meal sex
- i made pancakes sex
- good morning sex
- the kids are at school sex
- shower sex
- bored sex
- make up sex
- break up sex
- monday sex
- tuesday sex
- wednesday sex
- thursday sex
- friday sex
- saturday sex
- sunday sex
- there is nothing on tv sex
- i love you sex
272,280 notes
partybarackisinthehousetonight:
maybe the sun doesn’t want to be called “hot”. maybe it wants to be called “beautiful”. think before you speak
15,890 notes
My class today
- Me: So when you see the 4 year old boy pull the little girl's hair...
- Students: He likes her!
- Me: Now they are around 11 or 12 and he grabs her arm and wrestles her to the ground even though she calls him a jerk and yells at him to leave her alone.
- Students: That is just how boys are.
- Me: Now they are 18 and he grabs her arm and--
- Students: Oh, that's not okay.
- Me: Really? How would he know? How would she know? How would you know? You just told me that for the first 17 years of these children's lives that you thought it was cute, sweet, and natural for a boy to grab a girl and be rough with her.
- Students: Oh.
- Me: Oh, is right.
108,163 notes
i thought maybe I had finally found something I was good at. Where I belonged. Maybe not good even, but at least decent. But I guess not. Because nothing can ever work out for me and I don’t fit in with anybody and I’m not good or even decent at anything. my life is one fuck up after another.
2 notes
- me: is it weird to talk to yourself?
- me: no
97,958 notes
if u have a nice butt there’s a 10,000% chance i wanna see it
9,747 notes
when im rich the first thing im doing is getting laser hair removal on every inch of my body that isn’t my head
you’ll look pretty funny without eyebrows
im at least 3% sure that my eyebrows r on my head
132,017 notes
apparently you can’t like a band if you don’t know all the member’s full names, every word to every song they’ve ever written, how many times a day they use the bathroom, their blood type and own a sample of their hair.
21,293 notes
